time: 1:02 PM
eating: hawaiian pizza
drinking: water
listening to: aquarium noises

hallo

the year is winding down and so have projects at work. my boss says to use the downtime to practice skills and other productive stuff but i say ummmm nty!! i will not be doing that hahaha. i love working from home.

i don't really know what to write but it's been a while so i guess i'll just ramble. i went out with my friends from college the other day and had a lot of fun. we ate some really yummy pasta and held secret santa. we are all obsessed with blind box figurines so most of it was just getting eachothe those lmfao.

i haven't seen my therapist in about 2 months. i just don't feel like it. the meds are working pretty fine, and i haven't been anxious in a long time. though i guess i should update her on my life. the last time i spoke with her i talked about how nervous i was about my drivers test. well the good news is I PASSED THAT SHIT!!!!! ON THE FIRST TRY don't ask me how many mistakes i made lol.

i've also been getting more active in the local cosplay community and i've made a lot of new friends! been having a lot of fun. i can't wait to go to more cons. i love playing dress up. i love make up. i love taking pictures and feeling pretty. when i put on a cosplay, angelica doesn't exist. she doesn't have work or taxes. she's whatever anime girl she decides to be that day!

ok my left hand is starting to cramp so i'll end it here. byebye

time: 4:35 PM
eating: nothing
drinking: water
listening to: air conditioner rumbling

yaho

slow day at work rn. figured i'd check in here.

the title refers to my current frustrations with the IRS lol. got a letter in the mail talkin bout my form 8962 not matching their records. okay so they already know the right answer? what the fuck man,. anyway
i spent a week in Colorado with my boyfriend who was there for work for a few months. i missed him a lot and i was rly happy to spend that week with him just the two of us. denver is pretty cool but the abundance of white people was jarring lol. felt very minoritypilled.
he finally came back this weekend i'm soooo happy heehee
last friday i attended a fun get together with my coworkers at a mexican restaurant. paid for by the company NICE! since i work from home full time it was rly cool to see everybody on person that i only interact with through slack.
then on saturday i went to visit my old college to visit some underclassmen friends who are finally graduating. seeing their work at senior show made me feel pretty proud. it also stirred up some complicated emotions because it also reminded me of how i never got to have these end of year celebrations when i graduated bc of covid lol...but i am never the less happy for them. they deserve it. still mad at the school for just completely overlooking classes of 2020 and 2021 lol. wheres our commencement ceremony tht we paid in advance for!!!!!! grrrr

i'll get over it in a few days so it's fine.
back 2 work now

bye bye

time: 8:12 PM
eating: nothing
drinking: water
listening to: cupid - fifty fifty

alo it is a new year

not much goin on, been working, being a 3d artist professionally is rly poggg

i find myself writing here only after experiencing intense emotions lol i promise i'm normal most of the time
i had just about the worst weekend imaginable a few days ago..
a trip to Japan i had been looking forward to since december was ripped out from my hands just 2 days before i was supposed to fly out. my passport was misplaced and it was too late to get an emergency one. so i had to back out of the trip last minute. my friends are super awesome tho they drove out to my house in stormy weather to help me look for it but it was futile.
i have never felt so much pain before. it seems like an overreaction but i had been dreaming of going to japan since i was in middle school. i was supposed to go for study abroad right before covid hit and cancelled everything. now my second attempt is blocked bc of my own stupidity SIGH
my friends still went bc of course the reservations were already set in place. i've been watching their instagram stories while it's nice to see them have fun it hurts like hell because i was supposed to be there with them.

well there's no use regretting things that can't be changed..i am going to try going in october with a different set of friends after i get my new passport. would have really liked to go with the first set but it's a lot of money i can't ask them to spend all over again lol.
bluuughghhghsgsdgdshdsh

bye bye

time: 10:19 PM
eating: nothing
drinking: water
listening to: genshin loading screen music

hiiiii its me

so exactly a month after i wrote my last entry, everything about my situation improved greatly haha!!
manifestation works 0_0
in around the last week of April, I got an out of the blue message on Linkedin from a studio saying they wanted to offer me a position on their 3D art team.
i was immediately sussed out cuz like...that never happens LOL. but after some googling it turned out to be legit!
After like 2 casual interviews I was pretty much offered the position and I was able to put in my two weeks at the boba shop RIGHT BEFORE THE SUMMER RUSH AHAHHAHAHAHAHHA SUCCESS!!
It's been 2 months now and I am sooo happy. It's a permanently remote position AND relevant to my degree!! AND I HAVE FULL TIME BENEFITS....ADULTHOOD IS HERE..
don't tell on me but whenever theres downtime i take naps and play animal crossing...shh

and yes I was able to get tickets to see Twice 8)
the only downside is I don't have as much time to go to the gym cuz of my work hours le sigh

anyway, things are looking up. I hope they continue to improve and I hope all of my friends and all of YOU find what you are looking for.

bye bye

time: 11:50 AM
eating: nothing
drinking: kiwi lemon tea
listening to: in my dreams - red velvet

so some updates

i didn't get the job i wrote about in the last entry. or any of the dozen others i applied and interviewed for LOL
feeling very Evil
getting very sick of working at the boba shop tbh. feels like i'm doing a lot of work and their expectations of me are getting to be too much. I'm already working as fast as i can but theres just not enough time to do everything before the store opens. my tasks every morning include:
- opening the register
- setting up the dining area
- refilling straws, cupholders
- refilling the bakery items. depending on how much there is left to refill this could take 10 or 30 minutes. They want me to finish it in under 20 minutes no matter what which is INSANE considering the amount of pastries there are.
- prepping the kitchen, which has its own set of tasks that take as much if not more time than the bakery
compared to what the other 2 opening workers do alongside me, this is at leat 3x more work than what they're doing. haha.
then the rest of the day is just dealing with customers. and with summer coming up, it's only growing more and more stressful. i'm trying to figure out an escape plan before that happens.

i'm still continuing to apply to game art positions. at this point pure spite is fueling me.

i'm also currently in line to get tickets to TWICE. fingers crossed. toes crossed.
ok bye

time: 9:09 PM
eating: an oreo
drinking: orange juice
listening to: pado - bibi

hm yes hello

it has once again been a While. some updates:
1: i've been working at a boba shop for 6 months now
2: i had one interview for a 3d artist position last week and i'm waiting to hear what their decision is

i'm feeling pretty hopeful that i'll find a job that is relevant to my degree pretty soon. i really hope i get the one i just interviewed for..it's for a company that makes cute stuffed animals and toys. being the 3d artist for them would be pretty much my dream job. i've been applying to countless studios and positions and ive been ghosted more times than i can count, it was getting pretty discouraging. fingers crossed my big break comes soon. i really want to move out!! i also want to get married. my bf and i have been together for a really long time now and it just feels like the natural thing to do. we've already discussed it. although i wouldn't feel ready or deserving until i can get myself a full time position. i'm getting very sick of making boba.

my parents are also super conservative so theres no way we'd be able to move in together before getting married without pissing them off. as irritated as that makes me, i'd rather avoid that headache all together.

well, happy new year! later.

time: 8:46 PM
eating: nothing
drinking: mango jasmine green milk tea
listening to: Iinadukeblue - charisma.com

I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!

lots of new updates!
1: I graduated from art college! woohoo!
2: i've gotten into mechanical keyboards. click clack rgb go brrr

i still have not processed the fact that i am done with school forever. my school had a virtual graduation on zoom which made me really sad (but what can you do about that?) it's such a surreal concept. for the past 17 years my entire identity revolved around being a student. now that that's done i feel so....lost. what am i supposed to do with all this unstructured time?!?!

i don't have a job lined up for me just yet sadly, but i'm kind of relieved that i can have some time to just unwind and relax without thinking about deadlines or responsibilities. gonna take a couple weeks to just shut off. no art. only vibe.

currently in the middle of moving out of my apartment. i've lived here for the past 3 years and i will truly cherish all the memories i made with my roommates and best friends! we took the past week to have as much fun as we could together before parting ways.

obviously we will still be seeing eachother and hanging out over the summer (fully vaccinated gang), but the time we shared as roommates is coming to an end and it really was something special.

ok idk what else to talk about. see u all soon

time: 11:29 pm
eating: macaroni
drinking: wawa
listening to: Rules - Doja Cat

it is now winter break! one semester of my senior year done. i've accomplished a ton art wise and im preparing to apply to internships. finished off the semester strong with a 4.0! art school isn't that hard but that number feels really nice.

i developed a shopping addiction during quarantine. it is very concerning but i love clothes lol. i'm also working on starting up my youtube channel again so thats exciting. go check it out! my channel name is handsomepeach. i came up with the name in 8th grade and i cant change it.

i cannot believe the state we are currently in. this virus is just out of control. i've lost all hope of returning to campus for the spring semester which is incredibly depressing. my last year of college will be spend entirely online. no graduation, no senior show in the traditional sense. i try not to let it get me down too muchh but damn. this really is reality right now. LA's cases are out of control and somehow we ended up becoming the epicenter of the pandemic!!!! wow!!! fan-fucking-tastic. I just want to walk around campus again. i just want to feel like a person again. i really do hate am*r*ca lmfao. what a clown of a country truly.

tomorrow is christmas eve. i can't wait to eat my moms spaghetti.

see you all soon

time: 10:48 pm
eating: had jajangmyeon for dinner
drinking: wawa
listening to: Girls in the Hood - Megan thee Stallion

just got out of the bath n im waiting for my hair to dry. today was, like all the other days these past few months, spent liesurely and uneventfully inside. i feel myself becoming more and more sluggish. i just want to sleep most of the time jhgkjdfgh but i need to NOT.

im still in a weird emotional state but i feel like thats all i end up writing about so i will not do that today. yes i will talk about other things. good.

lately ive been rly into watching artist alley and studio vlogs on youtube. my current favs are baylee jae and maracuyas art. their videos r such a soothing presence. i think its also bc i rly miss going to conventions and being dehydrated after walking for 4 hours straight in the la convention center (rip ax 2020). what i would give to be wading through a crowd of people in the hot la july T_T anyway i also rewatched avatar the last airbender on netflix. well more like just watched bc i didnt rly watch it when it aired as a kid. currently rewatching beastars bc its 2020 and we should just accept being furry adjacent.

tomorrow maybe i will start exercising again. maybe order some ramen for takeout. who knows.

honestly i dont know if i will ever get the hang of this journaling thing fkghdfkgh i almost never know what to write about or how to organize my thoughts. i miss the god complex ap english gave me back in high school. i was writing shit like nobodys business and ive been chasing that high ever since..

time: 6:13 pm
mood: at ease
eating: nothing
drinking: water
listening to: nothing

hello hello! you may have noticed the new diary layout. i've been mulling it over for the past few days and i have now decided it was time to revamp my diary's html. i wanted it to look like a little notebook. i know its been done but listen. it works. and i like it.

i've also decided to archive all my old entries since i didn't feel like reformatting all of them to the new layout. you can still find them all under the archive tab to the left. i'm pretty happy with how this looks. i can rest assured it wont look all wonky on different screen resolutions. the main reason i changed it up ws bc the previous layout looked absolutely WACK on bigger screens. i was mortified. i could not be bothered to fix it so here we are. I am using this template from foollovers as my base. saved me the headache of trying to figure out the html on my own OTL i know i should probably attempt it on my own so i can learn but;;; work smarter not harder u know!

anyways, recently i bought myself a new display tablet to replace my old wacom bamboo. it's an xp-pen artist 24 pro and it is big and beautiful. i use it as my main monitor now. i bought a wireless keyboard so now i dont even have to look at my laptop. pretty freakin poggers mate. cannot wait to do some major drawing on this bad boy *kisses it* thats all for now. good bye and take care!